Once again I’m taking part in the A to Z Challenge, though I still wish it as Z-A! Ha.
I like this particular challenge because it helps me document and anticipate what’s gone on in my life, and my plans, dreams, schemes, and prayers. And then I get to remember, enjoy, and reflect on the times I saw God at work.
Last year, when I did this same challenge, but on my private blog, I also used anticipation, but it was a much more ‘glowing’ post than this one will be. I waiting in excited anticipation for what God was going to do in our ministry after my ministry partner and I had that rich time out at the conference in Chicago. I was excited about the things God had been speaking ministry wise, the amazing team of people He was bringing forward to serve our kids and the people that was allowing me to ask to step down. So much good was happening and SO many prayers were being answered! We saw our respective ministries partnering together incredibly well and we saw God honoring that as it set our kids up to be more ‘in sync’ than they had in the past. All was well.
Sure, personally, there were things I wasn’t anticipating – at least not with a positive connotation of the word! My health had begun going downhill in November, and by this time last year, I had a bone marrow biopsy scheduled because of some abnormal findings in a scan. But even all of the health stuff was easily overlooked because of my anticipation of all God was going to do ministry wise – and the humbling fact that I got to play a small part in that.
Heading into this year, so many people said some variation of “Aren’t you glad this year is over? 2012 was such a hard year for you, I know. 2013 will surely be better!” I’d always just smile and say I’ve learned never to say or expect that because things can ALWAYS get worse – and everyone who knows me would say they absolutely have gotten worse.
I’m anticipating neurosurgery sometime soon. I’m anticipating needing to sell my place and find something else. I’m anticipating figuring out how to balance not totally losing the years I poured into my church, but also not letting the complicated dynamics that are now there be all that I experience if I go. I’m anticipating what it is God has next for me to be doing. I never intended to go back into full-time ministry when took this job nearly four years ago – yet God made it totally obvious this wass where I was supposed to be. I’m also anticipating getting to visit with some friends who are coming home soon for home assignment for a few months from Africa.
Mostly, though, I’m anticipating Heaven. I weary of every step, every breath, of just every thing being such an effort and requiring such fight! Having walked through things like this with friends before, they’ve all had spouses and kids (or at least a very serious significant other that they then married in the midst of their fight). I don’t have that ‘extra motivation, so while I want to live whatever time I have left well, I’m so anxious to finally be Home!