Linking up with Lisa-Jo and the great group that participates in Five Minute Friday. The main rule is to write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking – on the topic that Lisa-Jo posts about each week.
The topic for this week: Here
I didn’t think I’d be here still this weekend. My doctor wanted me admitted longer term because she felt my health was too unstable for me to safely be at home.
But then in the middle of making that happen, she had to go out suddenly and it’s as if the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing now, as other doctors try to figure out what they want done since my lead doctor now isn’t here again until sometime next month. Wrangling doctors and specialists is like wrangling cats – and without her here heading up the wrangling now, it’s only complicating an already extremely complex situation.
Being here is certainly more peaceful, but living in a constant state of “we’re admitting you long term” or “your labs are coming back critically out of range you’ve got to come in (or you’ve got to get 12 hours of infusions, etc.)” just adds to the odd feeling of knowing everything is a balancing act or choosing between the lesser of the evils or what the bigger risks are with every decision that’s made.
Sometimes being here is so isolating and it’s hard not to get a little stir crazy. I’m not even supposed to go down my own steps if someone isn’t around – or about to be – which means I’m stuck in my own little ‘bubble’ much of the time and can’t even just go walk around outside. It’s a very strange new reality, never getting out unless someone is taking me to an appointment, and largely only seeing the nurses that come at least four days a week.
I’ve realized, being here for so long now, how quickly the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ phenomenon kicks in. People have busy lives, and especially if it’s just you and you don’t have a family that people see that causes them to remember you’re still here – even if you’re stuck in an odd new world for a time – it’s easy to feel very alone.
Many days, being here, realizing I spend much of the day on the phone with doctors, nurses, insurance companies, or other medically related things, and I don’t get much in the way of input from the ‘real world,’ it feels like I’m living here in this world all alone.
But then, at least most days, God does something to remind me that even if no one else is here or around in anyway, that HE is here with me. The four little walls of my home here that often feel a bit like a prison cell keeping the outside world at arm’s length, don’t keep Him away. And for that I’m grateful.
(Many of my A-Z posts were pre-scheduled, thankfully, given how my health has gone of late. This is the first post I’ve written ‘live’ in quite some time. I’m sorry I’ve gotten behind on replying to comments…I’m trying to get caught up this weekend! And I’m trying to get caught up on reading and commenting on blogs other than fellow A-Z participants, too, this weekend.)
Feisty Mama said:
Prayers to you that you get visitors because laughter is a great form of medicine. I love your honest posts your passion. Prayers for wellness.
Leese said:
Thank you so much! I do get a few (see post F!) just few and far between these days. But I get a lot of laughs from my nurses, which is a blessing 🙂 (And “N” tomorrow!)
I appreciate your prayers! And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog background! I’m looking forward to reading more!
shortybear said:
Saying a prayer for you, be blessed.
Leese said:
Thank you! And thanks for coming by again! Are you blogging on blogspot now? I found a blog that I’m not sure is yours – if it is, I’m praying for you. If it isn’t, then the person with the blog that looks similar in name to your nickname is getting prayed for! I wanted to comment, but you were getting so many I was hoping to sleuth around a little more to be sure instead of adding to the gobs you were getting! Maybe you’ll see this and can let me know if that’s you! Like I said, if it is, I’m praying for you, too. If not, someone else is benefiting from your stopping by here 🙂
nicmarie17 said:
Hope you get better soon! I can see how being stuck at home would be so isolating. I think sometimes we forget that Jesus is ALWAYS here with us.
Leese said:
Thank you! And thanks for taking the time to comment.
It’s a good thing He’s always here with us, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, isn’t it? I can’t imagine trying to do life without Him!
Do you have a blog? I’d love to stop by!
Quiet Girl said:
Well, wow, Leese! I am so touched that in the midst of your current circumstances you took the time to give some comment love to my blog. 🙂 I have spent a bit of time reading yours, and can tell from your writing and your heart that you are the kind of genuine person who really “sees” people. I am praying that you become surrounded by the hands of Jesus, like I am sure you have been already to so many others. Thank you for sharing your dreams, struggles, adventures and prayers here. It matters. You matter. I am so glad to “meet” you, new friend. 🙂
Leese said:
Thank you! I so enjoyed your blog! Like I said in one of the comments, I saw it first because your blog title (and the image) caught my eye on the FMF link and I was hooked as soon as I started reading! I hope you’re able to find out more and add to the story you began in your post from Friday, too. It made me think of a fiction series I’d just read, as well as a similar situation in my family (well, in my family by marriage). But then reading more of your blog, it was obvious you were someone I have a lot in common with – so then it kept me reading even more 🙂 I love how in the blog world God allows people to connect like that!
Joyce said:
I hope you get well soon.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com
Leese said:
Thank you, Joyce! Thanks for dropping by!
aboutproximity said:
Keep hanging in there! I wish I could come visit in person. Virtual hug 🙂
Leese said:
I wish you could too! Sneak in your husband’s suitcase his next trip out here? 😉
aboutproximity said:
Yes!
Leese said:
You do know I’m praying God decides he needs to come to CA soon now, don’t you?! 😉
Sara Fowler said:
So glad you’re participating in A to Z! You were so wise to write some ahead of time. I’m looking forward to following your blog long after the monthly challenge is over ( :
Leese said:
I’m so thrilled God connected us because of the A-Z thing! Sometime when my life is less crazy, we should connect in person, too!
Last year I did it when I just had a private blog and I talked (or rather, conned) a friend into doing it with me…so I realized with my health being so unpredictable, and the end of the alphabet letters being much harder, by and large, that I better try to pre-write as much as possible.
I’m also glad one of my good friends didn’t know until Monday that I had pre-written nearly all of them. She figured if she saw a blog from me (or replies to comments) I was “alive” and if I didn’t reply to an email or text, that at least she knew I was ok. My off handed comment to her on Monday when she said something about that made her jaw drop. Ruined her feeling of ‘security’ in my well-being. Ha ha.